Keeping Up Appearances

A complimentary co-worker told me that I have
"the best skin and hair."
But he doesn't know that
I pay good money
to keep up appearances.
I spend a fortune on highlights and haircuts

and earth-friendly hair products.

He doesn't realize that I cover up

my natural skin with all kinds of makeup.

He doesn't understand that -- 

sans the many beauty enhancements --

I have thin, dull, dirty blonde hair and

pale, blotchy, acne-scarred skin.

He doesn't know that he would likely

find me

ugly.

(The only acceptable form of)

The only acceptable form of
discrimination in any office building:
All fish should be banned from the microwaves.

(He chuffs, sluffs and scuffs )

He chuffs, sluffs and scuffs
around the office in his
oversize loafers.

(I’m sitting next to)

I'm sitting next to
Mr. Whistle Nose; across
from Ms. Walnut Chip Lips.