Keeping Up Appearances

A complimentary co-worker told me that I have
"the best skin and hair."
But he doesn't know that
I pay good money
to keep up appearances.
I spend a fortune on highlights and haircuts

and earth-friendly hair products.

He doesn't realize that I cover up

my natural skin with all kinds of makeup.

He doesn't understand that -- 

sans the many beauty enhancements --

I have thin, dull, dirty blonde hair and

pale, blotchy, acne-scarred skin.

He doesn't know that he would likely

find me

ugly.

I Am a Reverse Drag Queen

I count the minutes until I can take off my brassiere.
I refuse to wear a dress anymore.
I retreat from shaving my legs.
I rebuff pantyhose.
I avoid high heels.
I can't wait to remove my makeup.
And I long for a hairstyle that's quick and simple.

Make Up Your Mind, Men

You just can't win
with these men.
If you don't wear makeup,
they consider you unrefined and unattractive
(unless you are of a rare breed
with large, defined eyes,
finely sculpted, dark eyebrows and long, dark eyelashes,
no acne scars,
small, well-behaved pores,
naturally rosy cheeks,
and blemish-free skin
with perfectly toned,
balanced coloring).
And if you do 
wear makeup,
they complain that
they prefer
women who wear
little to no makeup
at all.