Everything and Nothing

She is at once

everything

and nothing at all --

nothing in the eyes of the law

and everything in the eyes of my heart and mind.

 

* * *  

 

She is at once

everything

and nothing at all --

everything in my past

and nothing in my future.

My Girl

Sure, she’s feisty.

She has a strong mind

of her own.

She could cut a bitch

with the tip of her tongue.

And she’s fierce.

She’s had to be

to make it in this life.

 

She’s all that, for sure.

But, to me, she’s also

precious

and impossibly adorable.

 

I see her tender side –

how excited she gets

to pet a puppy on the sidewalk

or to receive a teddy bear

as a gift – a gift that she

recommended because she adores it.

 

She’s all that and more –

so much more –

to me.

 

She’s my feisty flower,

delicate dynamite,

sweet and salty,

gorgeously complex and as

simple and cute

as the doggie down the street,

or a teddy bear you want to

cuddle and snuggle and call your own.

When I See You

When I see you

I know that you are true.

All that you've been through --

the black and the blue --

has brought me to you

and my spirit is renewed

because of the things that you do.

 

When I see you...

When Words Do Not Suffice

When words do not suffice,

let me still try.

Let me strain to obtain

the how and the why.

When words fail to express,

let me show you

with tenderness. 

Let me return to the fire

that smolders between us,

and channel our desire,

hoping to explain in syllables

and sentences

and stanzas

how much you matter

to me.

(ecstasy)

ecstasy

you and me

free to be

in love

(My divorce taught me that)

My divorce taught me that

I can survive

a broken heart.

Never Again

Never again will I try

to convince a woman

that she wants to be

with me.

From now on,

I will be the one

to convince.

(You looked at all that I am)

You looked at all that I am

and all that I offer

and said, "Nope."

(My heart still aches)

My heart still aches

from your betrayal

and abandonment.

We Three Minus Two

My heart longs for

the DavenHalls,

we three gals.

I miss what we built

together over 16 years,

the family 

we established.

Now, I live in our

family home

without my family.

You Said You Didn’t Hate Me, But

I guess after 16 years together

and 13 years of marriage,

you looked at me and thought,

"I hate you so much that I am going to

move out, leaving you utterly alone,

and end our family.

I hate you so much that you deserve

to rot away alone

in the house that I chose for us.

I hate you so much that I find it

acceptable to demand couples therapy,

only to end it after three sessions,

give up on the marriage, and

move away."

Irreparable Damage

When your spouse

ends your marriage

and leaves you,

you will never

be the same.

The pain of that

level of

rejection and

abandonment

cannot be overstated.

Do You Ever Think of Me?

Do you ever think of me?

If so, what do you think of?

What do you remember?

Do you think of me

sitting in our house all alone?

Never Had a Chance

Between my narcissistic mother

and my self-loathing (now-former) spouse,

I never had a chance at experiencing

real love.

Painfully True

Those whose actions

result in pain for others

should accept that

those who suffer from their actions

are entitled to process the pain

in order to survive,

regardless of whether or not

(within the confines of the law)

it pains the one

who inflicted the pain

in the first place.

Grieving Is Exhausting

Even if I manage to have a decent night,

I still wake up the next morning

to be reminded that,

"Oh, yeah.  My wife left me..."

And my world comes crashing

down 

again.

Impossible Immunity

You want to do

bad things

without feeling

bad

about doing them.

Love, You Didn’t Do Right by Me

with credit to Irving Berlin for the title

 

You were my best friend

and partner

for 16 years,

and spouse for 13.

Twelve years into

our marriage,

you found a new best friend

online

and proceeded to

give your heart

to this friend.

You informed me that,

if we didn't get

couples therapy immediately,

the marriage was over.

I reached out to a friend

who reached out to a therapist

who recommended a therapist,

whom I promptly contacted

and scheduled an appointment.

After three sessions,

you announced that 

you were no longer interested in

couples therapy and needed to

focus on yourself.

Three months later -- after I

mentioned that it felt like your

heart was elsewhere --

you informed me

that you had given all you could

to the marriage and that you considered

it to be over.

I not only lost my best friend and partner

of 16 years, I lost my spouse, as well.

Meanwhile, you replaced me

with your new best friend and

moved across the country to

start a life with this new best friend --

in a state and climate that you hate --

abandoning me, our family and our

16-year history.

A Love-Hate Relationship

I crave you

because you were my

best friend and partner

for 16 years.

I loathe you

because you

abandoned and rejected me

and destroyed our family.

Ex

Ex

Excise

Exorcism