(ecstasy)

ecstasy

you and me

free to be

in love

(My divorce taught me that)

My divorce taught me that

I can survive

a broken heart.

Never Again

Never again will I try

to convince a woman

that she wants to be

with me.

From now on,

I will be the one

to convince.

(You looked at all that I am)

You looked at all that I am

and all that I offer

and said, "Nope."

(My heart still aches)

My heart still aches

from your betrayal

and abandonment.

We Three Minus Two

My heart longs for

the DavenHalls,

we three gals.

I miss what we built

together over 16 years,

the family 

we established.

Now, I live in our

family home

without my family.

You Said You Didn’t Hate Me, But

I guess after 16 years together

and 13 years of marriage,

you looked at me and thought,

"I hate you so much that I am going to

move out, leaving you utterly alone,

and end our family.

I hate you so much that you deserve

to rot away alone

in the house that I chose for us.

I hate you so much that I find it

acceptable to demand couples therapy,

only to end it after three sessions,

give up on the marriage, and

move away."

Irreparable Damage

When your spouse

ends your marriage

and leaves you,

you will never

be the same.

The pain of that

level of

rejection and

abandonment

cannot be overstated.

Do You Ever Think of Me?

Do you ever think of me?

If so, what do you think of?

What do you remember?

Do you think of me

sitting in our house all alone?

Never Had a Chance

Between my narcissistic mother

and my self-loathing (now-former) spouse,

I never had a chance at experiencing

real love.

Painfully True

Those whose actions

result in pain for others

should accept that

those who suffer from their actions

are entitled to process the pain

in order to survive,

regardless of whether or not

(within the confines of the law)

it pains the one

who inflicted the pain

in the first place.

Grieving Is Exhausting

Even if I manage to have a decent night,

I still wake up the next morning

to be reminded that,

"Oh, yeah.  My wife left me..."

And my world comes crashing

down 

again.

Impossible Immunity

You want to do

bad things

without feeling

bad

about doing them.

Love, You Didn’t Do Right by Me

with credit to Irving Berlin for the title

 

You were my best friend

and partner

for 16 years,

and spouse for 13.

Twelve years into

our marriage,

you found a new best friend

online

and proceeded to

give your heart

to this friend.

You informed me that,

if we didn't get

couples therapy immediately,

the marriage was over.

I reached out to a friend

who reached out to a therapist

who recommended a therapist,

whom I promptly contacted

and scheduled an appointment.

After three sessions,

you announced that 

you were no longer interested in

couples therapy and needed to

focus on yourself.

Three months later -- after I

mentioned that it felt like your

heart was elsewhere --

you informed me

that you had given all you could

to the marriage and that you considered

it to be over.

I not only lost my best friend and partner

of 16 years, I lost my spouse, as well.

Meanwhile, you replaced me

with your new best friend and

moved across the country to

start a life with this new best friend --

in a state and climate that you hate --

abandoning me, our family and our

16-year history.

A Love-Hate Relationship

I crave you

because you were my

best friend and partner

for 16 years.

I loathe you

because you

abandoned and rejected me

and destroyed our family.

Ex

Ex

Excise

Exorcism

Taciturn Lackey

When we met,

I was unfamiliar with

the words "taciturn" and "lackey."

But you introduced 

them to me

in our early days of love,

when things were new and exciting.

Who would have known that,

16 years later,

you would literally become

a "taciturn lackey" 

for your new best friend

who ended our marriage

when you left me

to start a life

serving as her silent servant.

A Deep, Abiding Sadness

Realizing and registering

the fact that your spouse has

rejected and abandoned you

results in a deep, abiding sadness.

Accepting the fact

must surely result

in a wound that never quite heals.

Not Without You

I don't want to be in this town

without you.

But I don't want to be anywhere else

without you, either.

(You don’t)

You don't

want me

anymore.